Camp Next to a Bogan

So you find yourself camping in a location without mobile reception or internet access. You're not particularly keen on board games or card games? My best camping tip is camp next to a bogan.

Now before you get all politically correct it is perfectly fine to call the people next to us bogans because I am the woman shrieking about only having one pair of undies. To them I am probably the dirty, camping bogan.

We managed to camp next to a family of bogans. A dad with two grown sons and their friend plus a dog. Bogans who had been camping here for years.

At this particular hill-billy camping spot we were driven to our camping location so we had no option. Still it could have been worse. We could have been camped next to the bogan family who was across the river from us.

They were the bogan feral family whose cries of " Just stop him" and "oh he's p!ssing on the campfire AGAIN" could be heard wide and far as they tried to corral their children.

Our particularly entertaining bogan story came on the afternoon of the second day. We had spent a relaxing morning feeding the ducks. The bogans next to us had drunk beer for breakfast as they fried their freshly caught fish. Raya was fascinated watching them prepare the fish for cooking.

So after beer for breakfast they continued drinking throughout the day. Not enough to be rowdy and drunk but consistently. 

We were just coming out from a swim when we noticed the car was moving. We found out later that one of the young adults had got in the car to move it to block the breeze.

Our attention was caught when we heard "stop, stop, f@#n STOP" to which the car continued to reverse backwards. We instinctively grabbed hold of Raya, this was not going to end well. Both of our tents were erected on the edge of the flat grass with a steep bank incline down to the river bank.

"F#&n STOP you IDIOT" to which the car then reversed at greater speed directly over the top of the young guys tent. Nick and I burst into laughter as the metal poles crunched under the tyres.

"You f!$#%n ran over our tent. I CAN'T BELIEVE you just ran over our tent". At this stage the dad started yelling "Put it in drive you're in reverse!! You're going to go down the embankment".  I think three simple words like GET OUT NOW would have worked better.

The bogan boys were yelling "drive, drive off the tent" combined with "you're f#*!n sleeping in that tent now". 

The car continued to reverse and my pelvic floor strength was tested. I honestly thought he was going to send their car flying down to the river. At this point, I watched through the tears streaming down my face as the dad yanked open the car driver door.

"Get the F#@k out. Get out NOW" he yelled just as the boys yelled "GO, GO, GO".

The poor drunk, confused bogan then put the car into drive, floored the accelerator almost knocking his dad down, narrowly missed their camp fire and ran straight over the top of the OTHER tent in the camp.

The dad and two other guys erupted. Blood was going to be spilt and I was honestly going to wet my pants.One of the other young guys jumped into the passenger seat and yanked on the handbrake while the father dragged the driving bogan out. All we could hear was the bogan driver saying "I was trying to go forward" while his dad said through gritted teeth "well you can't go forward when you're driving in F#@n reverse".

Both tents were crumpled silver piles on the ground and Nick and I were in hysterics

Even more so when at 2am the next morning I felt the first drops of rain come through the fly of our tent and the silence was broken with cries of "I'm going to F%^#n KILL YOU".

Nothing like camping next to bogans